Yeah to being a brunnette again and being drunk!! And yeah to wonderful artists in Montreal! Yay to everyone, you're all wonderful, if you're reading this you rock!!

So it seems that this weird blogger thingy may have something real to say. I mean my father is Scottish, so of course if I was going to live a past life, it would be in Scotland. Then you have the priest thing, did I not get a minor in religious studies, hmmm... Oh and I'm a hypochondriac, so if I had died from illness in a past life, that would explain my paranoia now.

Anyways, I just wrote my economics midterm, and it went okay. It was one of those exams where it is different from all the practice tests and assignments. Some students were a little miffed, I on the otherhand have reached a new level of zen. I don't care. Shit will always happen in life, and ya know, you just have to choose your battles. I studied and did my best, so getting upset after the fact isn't really the right time, the deed is done. And honestly, it's just a course, people need to realize that in the grand scheme of things one poor midterm isn't going to make or break you. There are going to be far greater obstacles in life, so chill the fuck out.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Gentle Priest. Where You Lived: Scotland. How You Died: Typhoid fever.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

I've decided to procrastinate and not deal with economics for the rest of the night! Huzzah to avoiding all responsibilities! To amuse myself I'm going to add some good ol' quotes to this snazzy little virtual exposure of my innermost feelings, well not really...

"I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a baron."
~Buffy

"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys, that's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."
~Customer, "Clerks"

Kelly: You had a date and he asked you out again. That's dating. That's plural.
Brenda: Oh, so what's next, do I get pinned or something?
Kelly: Yeah, preferably to the mattress.
~Beverly Hills 90210

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
~Dorothy Parker, 'But the One on the Right,' in New Yorker, 1929. US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

"I'm beginning to think that maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull."
~Stan Marsh

"They do not love that do not show their love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love."
~William Shakespeare

"I know the tears we cried/ Have dried on yesterday/ The sea of fools has parted for us/ There’s nothing in our way/ My love"
~Jeff Buckley

Yeah I don't think so somehow...But hell what about another faceless bureaucrat!

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor)

You're logical, driven, and ruthless. You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

You Are Strength

You represent both fiery energy and steadfast will. You are innocent and naive - yet unafraid and undaunted. Perhaps you don't have the most powerful physical strength... But your mental powers make up for any amount of muscle. Your fortune: Lately, you have been a pillar of ethics and moral strength. And while things may be difficult, your faith in yourself will come through. You may need to conquer the animalistic nature of yourself or others, with gentle force. Although this may seem like the darkest hour for you, victory is near.

What Tarot Card Are You?

To Remember You...

To those who don't know, Leif killed himself two weeks ago, and I guess everyday since then has been a further moment in dealing with grief that follows such a moment. He and I may not have been best friends since our break up, but he was always someone who crossed my mind and had a place in my heart. A little over a month before his death he visited me here in Ottawa, and now I realize it was our last goodbye, but at the time I just said I'll see you again cause I thought we would always be in and out of each others lives. To comfort myself I tell myself that our bond must have meant something to him, for why else would he say good-bye and seek me out in his time of despair. I just hope that for him the pain is gone now. I guess if we were his friends in life, we must continue now in his death, and take some of the pain that was created in his passing...I pray this is what he wanted.

This is a poem that I love and I think it describes so much of loss and love...

MUSIC, WHEN SOFT VOICES DIE
by: Percy Bysshe Shelly (1792-1822)

MUSIC, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the belovèd's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

My Poems...

These poems were written when Leif and I were together. It scares me how some of them reveal so much about him and I. I think when you're that close to someone it's hard not to feel or at least see some of their pain.

I wrote this poem because Leif used to always ask why I sighed so much...

A sigh of exasperation is a groan that escapes from within
when time is just too fast and you just give in.

A sigh of loneliness arises from despair
and is slowly released from parted lips
when you look around and no one's there.

A sigh of dreams erupts into the night
as a pillow cushions you head where your dreaming self is running from some plight.

A sigh of happiness is coupled with a smile
when your inner being knows that
life will only be like this for a short while.

A sigh of exctasy is the musical note of pleasure
when your body tumbles with the touch of another measure by measure.

A sigh of fear is sometimes a sigh of love
both are symbols of the uncertainty of what is to come
and both part from our souls and leave us shaking inside.

I wrote this next poem one afternoon when I was troubled with the coming end of our relationship. Now when I read it, it reminds me of him in general.

With a flicker of motion a pebble is released down the street
it strikes the pavement with the sound of a resounding emptiness.

It quickly picks up speed
propelling it towards the end of the road.

Watching it hurtle towards its destination
one can see how futile it is to attempt to stop this event.

Cars and passengers are incapable of stopping this force
and we all have to watch as it quickens on...

And finally slams into the end.

This is the last poem I will share with you, for some of them are just too close to my heart. I wrote this poem after some discussions about life & emotions that I had had with Leif in our long walks around the mountain, and I just wanted him to be happy and whole again. This is the poem that came from that sentiment.

Once upon a time there was a young boy with long blond hair and green eyes
who used to tremble at the darkness.
As the sun would set he would follow it until the last slant of light brushed his face
and then as darkness fell over him he would run home
and hide amongst the warmth of his family until the sun rose again the next morning.